Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
