can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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