I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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