I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
