I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got inside last night via doggy door
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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