I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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