you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
