Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
