absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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