I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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