# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
