Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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