just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
