Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
