So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
