the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
