I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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