So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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