this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
