I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
