Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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