Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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