You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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