walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
