I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
