I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
