i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
