She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
