i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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