yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
