You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
