I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
