And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The best revenge is premature balding
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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