am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
