Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
