i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
