"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
