I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
