Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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