you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
