Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
