I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
