u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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