I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
