I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
