We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
