Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
