Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you made out with another girl for some wings
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
