There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
