I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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